How to Last Longer (Men) (Reddit): A No-Nonsense Guide

So, you want to last longer in bed? You’re not alone. It’s a quest millions of men embark on, and Reddit, with its anonymous and often brutally honest advice, has become a popular starting point. The truth is, “lasting longer” isn’t about some magic pill or secret technique; it’s a multifaceted issue involving physical techniques, mental strategies, and sometimes, addressing underlying health concerns. Let’s dive into a comprehensive, no-BS guide based on what the real world (and Reddit) has taught us.

The Core Principles: Delaying Ejaculation

Ultimately, lasting longer boils down to controlling the ejaculatory reflex. This reflex is influenced by a combination of physical sensitivity, arousal levels, and psychological factors. Here’s a breakdown of strategies that address each of these areas:

• Mastering the Pause-Squeeze Technique: This is the golden standard. As you approach climax, pause all stimulation. If necessary, gently squeeze the head of your penis (glans) for a few seconds. This reduces arousal and can reset the urge to ejaculate. Repeat as needed. Many Reddit users swear by this, but remember, it takes practice.
• Mindfulness and Distraction: The more you focus on the sensation, the faster you’ll reach the point of no return. Instead, try focusing on your partner’s pleasure, engage in mental distractions (think about sports scores, work problems, anything!), or simply focus on your breathing. The goal is to shift your focus away from the overwhelming physical sensations.
• Strengthening Your Pelvic Floor (Kegels): Just like women, men benefit from strong pelvic floor muscles. These muscles play a role in ejaculatory control. To find them, try stopping your urine mid-stream. The muscles you use are your pelvic floor muscles. Perform Kegel exercises regularly by contracting and relaxing these muscles.
• Communication is Key: Talk to your partner. Tell them what you’re trying to achieve and involve them in the process. They can help you identify your arousal levels and provide feedback. Open communication can also ease anxiety, which often contributes to premature ejaculation.

Lifestyle Adjustments: The Long Game

Lasting longer isn’t always about immediate techniques; it can also involve lifestyle changes that have a cumulative effect.

• Diet and Exercise: A healthy diet and regular exercise can improve overall sexual health and stamina. Focus on foods rich in zinc, magnesium, and omega-3 fatty acids. Regular exercise, especially cardiovascular workouts, can improve blood flow and reduce stress, which can positively impact sexual performance.
• Reduce Stress and Anxiety: Stress and anxiety are major contributors to premature ejaculation. Engage in stress-reducing activities like yoga, meditation, or spending time in nature. If anxiety is a significant problem, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
• Limit Alcohol and Drugs: While a little alcohol might lower inhibitions, excessive alcohol consumption can impair sexual function and lead to premature ejaculation. Similarly, drug use can have detrimental effects on sexual performance.
• Address Underlying Medical Conditions: In some cases, premature ejaculation can be a symptom of an underlying medical condition, such as prostate problems, hormonal imbalances, or nerve damage. Consult a doctor to rule out any medical causes.

The Mental Game: Overcoming Anxiety

Performance anxiety is a vicious cycle. The fear of not lasting long can actually cause you to ejaculate prematurely. Breaking this cycle requires addressing the underlying anxiety.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Identify and challenge negative thoughts about your sexual performance. Replace them with positive and realistic affirmations. For example, instead of thinking “I’m going to ejaculate too quickly,” try thinking “I’m in control and I can manage my arousal.”
• Focus on Pleasure, Not Performance: Shift your focus from performance to pleasure. Instead of worrying about how long you’re lasting, focus on enjoying the moment and connecting with your partner.
• Seek Professional Help: If anxiety is severe or persistent, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or sex therapist. They can provide cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other techniques to help you manage anxiety and improve your sexual confidence.

When to Seek Professional Help

While many cases of premature ejaculation can be managed with self-help techniques and lifestyle adjustments, it’s important to seek professional help if:

• Premature ejaculation is causing significant distress or relationship problems.
• Self-help techniques are not effective.
• You suspect an underlying medical condition.
• You are experiencing significant anxiety or depression.

A doctor or sex therapist can provide a comprehensive evaluation and recommend appropriate treatment options, which may include medication, therapy, or a combination of both.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Do creams and sprays actually work for premature ejaculation?

Yes, some topical creams and sprays containing numbing agents (like lidocaine or prilocaine) can temporarily reduce sensitivity in the penis, delaying ejaculation. However, they can also reduce sensation for both partners, and some people experience side effects like skin irritation. Use them cautiously and follow the instructions carefully. Many Reddit users have experimented with these with mixed results, so temper your expectations.

2. What are some effective exercises besides Kegels?

While Kegels are the cornerstone, other exercises that improve core strength and pelvic floor control can also help. These include planks, bridges, and squats. Regular cardiovascular exercise also improves blood flow and stamina, indirectly benefiting sexual performance.

3. Is there a specific diet that can help me last longer?

There’s no magic diet, but a healthy diet rich in zinc, magnesium, and omega-3 fatty acids can support overall sexual health. Foods like oysters, spinach, almonds, and fatty fish are good choices. Avoid processed foods, excessive sugar, and unhealthy fats.

4. How can I talk to my partner about this without feeling embarrassed?

Honesty is key. Start by acknowledging that you’re working on improving your sexual experience together. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, “I’d like to explore some techniques to help us both feel more satisfied.” Frame it as a collaborative effort to enhance your intimacy.

5. What role does pornography play in premature ejaculation?

Excessive pornography consumption can desensitize you to real-life stimulation, leading to higher arousal thresholds and potential difficulties in the bedroom. It can also create unrealistic expectations about sex. Moderation is key. Consider taking a pornography break or reducing your consumption to see if it improves your sexual performance.

6. Are there any prescription medications that can help with premature ejaculation?

Yes, several prescription medications can be used to treat premature ejaculation, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), tricyclic antidepressants, and phosphodiesterase-5 (PDE5) inhibitors. These medications work by affecting the neurotransmitters in the brain that control ejaculation. However, they can have side effects, so it’s important to discuss them with a doctor.

7. How long should I wait before seeking professional help?

If you’ve been consistently experiencing premature ejaculation for several months and self-help techniques haven’t been effective, it’s time to seek professional help. Don’t suffer in silence. A doctor or sex therapist can provide valuable guidance and support.

8. Can premature ejaculation be cured?

While there’s no guaranteed “cure” for premature ejaculation, many men can significantly improve their control and satisfaction through a combination of techniques, lifestyle changes, and professional help. The goal is not necessarily to eliminate premature ejaculation entirely, but to manage it effectively and enjoy a fulfilling sex life.

9. What’s the “start-stop” technique, and how is it different from the pause-squeeze technique?

The start-stop technique involves stimulating yourself to the point of near-orgasm, then stopping all stimulation until the urge to ejaculate subsides. You then repeat the process several times before allowing yourself to ejaculate. The pause-squeeze technique is a variation of this where you actively squeeze the penis head during the “pause” period. Both techniques aim to increase ejaculatory control.

10. Are there any natural supplements that can help with premature ejaculation?

Some natural supplements, such as L-arginine, zinc, and magnesium, have been suggested to improve sexual health. However, there’s limited scientific evidence to support their effectiveness in treating premature ejaculation specifically. Always talk to your doctor before taking any supplements, as they can interact with medications or have side effects.

11. Does masturbation frequency affect premature ejaculation?

Yes, the frequency of masturbation can play a role. Regular masturbation can help you become more familiar with your arousal levels and practice techniques to delay ejaculation. However, excessive masturbation, especially if it’s done quickly and without focus, can desensitize you and worsen premature ejaculation.

12. Is premature ejaculation a sign of a deeper problem?

In some cases, premature ejaculation can be a symptom of an underlying medical condition or psychological issue. It’s important to rule out any medical causes by consulting a doctor. If the problem is related to anxiety, depression, or relationship issues, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor is recommended.